Hiro Antagonist

Conversation might seem like a simple endeavor, but without a great deal of practice, it rarely is.

From breaking an awkward silence to simply getting along with others, there's quite a few good reasons to start a conversation.

Traditionally, two topics best avoided are religion and politics, as the particular variant the other person adheres to is not a decision that stems from primarily from reason, although the choice may be given some reason in hindsight. If something is adhered on primarily non-logical basis, it's a baaaad topic for a first conversation.


So, religion out, politics out. What else do people share that can be used as a topic for conversation? What does every person care about? Themselves! People enjoy talking about themselves - it's something they know well, care about and don't talk about as much as they'd like.

So ask people about themselves. What they like, what they do, what they want, what brought them to the place you're both at, etc. You'd be surprised how often it leads to a flowing conversation.


A key thing to remember is that everyone else shares the same fears you do, to a degree. Fear of stumbling over their words in a first conversation, etc. So do your best to put both the other person and yourself at ease. Things work much better that way if they feel safe.

" If he's right, the tactics in life are the same as in quake. Anything that moves and isn't obviously on your side, shoot it. Anything that doesn't move, shoot it anyway because it's probably thinking about moving and killing you as soon as you turn your back."

So. True.

"Funny, for me it's been the reverse--from a young age I felt that it was very wrong to lie and almost never did (and always felt bad about it). Only later did I discover (much to my surprise and, when participating in it, discomfort) that being disingenuous and even lying outright is not only widely accepted in the adult world, but very often expected.

This is especially common in business, I've found, where being perfectly honest on a résumé and/or application will practically never land you a job, especially on those "why do you want to work here"-type question (let's face it, 99% of the time the real answer is "I want money and this job sounds like it won't suck too much"). Then there's "networking" which often involves creating a whole false persona. It's sickening, but damn-near unavoidable, and certainly considered to be normal and acceptable."
-Fallingcow


Born an idealist with a penchant for bluntness, this is definitely something I had to work at. Some things are best treated as a poker game, where bluffing and lying are valid methods in winning. Perfect honesty is only worth employing when it will be received by those who would value it.

In other words, business entities don't want you to be bluntly honest, just to work well with others, get the job done, and not create problems. This doesn't mean one should lie and embezzle, or use lying as a cover for actions that are morally or wrong, mind you.

However, moral absolutes are only viable when they can be afforded, which is usually only in situations where there are no negative consequences for doing so. The business world is, without a doubt, not one of those places.

A useful trick picked up after reading things by Carlos Hathcock-type people was that when you're out in the dark, or going from a dark area into a bright one, keep one eye closed, that way when you go back to where it's dark, you can open that eye and see far better with it than you can with the eye that's been exposed to bright light.

In short, keep one eye closed when going into bright areas to retain your night vision.

This has saved me a lot of stumbling about when going about the house at night, or camping.

I have a few good LJ friends that help remind me when I'm unspecific to the point of not sending the message I intend with the things I write.

In regards to my previous post, re-reading it with no particular context makes it sound like one shouldn't trust people because they cannot be trusted in general.

Specifically, all humans have best interests - being a good member of society, being a good parent, being a good friend.

Most of the time, people don't have conflicting best interests. It's not in the best interests of your neighbor to steal you property when you leave your doors unlocked. It's not in the best interests of parents to do things that would not be beneficial to their kids in the long run - ie, not making them brush their teeth may make them happier in the short term, but less so in the long term.

People get along great as long as their best interests don't come into conflict.


You can't trust without reservation that
A.) the best interests of others will not conflict with your own, and
B.) that the best interests of others are not subject to change.

My previous entry was prompted by people I know who were surprised and hurt when they assumed the best interests of someone else and their own coincided without any conflict. And in a few cases, that the best interests of the people they knew were never subject to change.

This is something that is completely obvious to a fair number of people, though oddly enough, not everyone.

The ultimate message is 'don't go through life assuming that the best interests of others have no conflict with your own, or are never subject to change. From time to time, think about / examine / contemplate what the best interests are for others around you, to avoid being surprised if they come into conflict.'

Something I've seen every now and then from overly-trusting people is that other human beings are trustworthy by default.

In other words, that people will never act against your best interests.


Life is too short to be paranoid about every other human in existence. Being unable to trust anything is a very time-consuming principle to operate on.

However, there is a third option that eliminates the disadvantages of the other two while preserving the advantages of both complete trust and complete distrust.

People act in their own best interests above all others. In short, if there's something someone cares about, they won't mind sabotaging your efforts to achieve the same thing if you stand in their way.

This applies to all sorts of things outside politics and business. Bake sales, 4H competitions, being acknowledged as the best parent at a school, etc. All humans are subject to human nature, no matter how nice or innocent they are as individuals. Some might be resistant, but no one is completely immune.


So when it comes to your friend Jo Ann covering you when your oven fails the night before the bake sale, or your friend Bill helping you finish your project when you're both in the same science fair, don't assume they won't act against your best interests. Especially when theirs conflict with yours.



While you can't trust everyone by default, you can safely assume that others aren't out to get you unless it is in their best interests to do so.

In short, don't actively distrust people, but constantly understand that no one can be trusted to the point where they'll never act against your best interests. Human beings are human. Never underestimate them, or you do so at your own peril.